Discrimination

Discrimination is making choices.  That is not an evil in itself, though it can be very difficult.  In common parlance, it has come to mean giving preference to one group of people over another group in a way that allows the preferred group more privilege.  That sort of discrimination leads to injustice and deserves the negative connotations.   However, every day we are faced with a myriad of choices and it is in the choosing that we create our lives.  

Making art is a process of deliberation and decision.  Even the most instinctual, stream of consciousness Zen art requires that attention and focus to keep an open mind.  Often decisions are greatly affected by environmental factors the artist can't control, as well as limitations in skill or materials.  The image in the mind's eye doesn't always translate to expression in an exact way, and the feedback of results from the attempt changes the mental image as well.

These three photos began with an open inquiry into whatever caught my eye as I walked through Golden Gate Park.  I found a hollow in a tree small enough to cover with my hand.  I didn't have any image in mind as I brought my camera closer and closer into the hole.  I was shooting in black and white at the time with the camera set on manual aperture adjustment.  I was surprised to see this creepy, crouching tree gollum emerge in the view finder.  I tried a variety of settings to see how contrast, depth of field, and color affected the image.  Of the many shots I took, these are the three that I liked.

Each of these photos has a distinct feel.  I don't have a "favorite" between them, as they all speak to me strongly.  However, I didn't want to post all three to my flickr photostream because I think redundancy would dilute whatever power there is in that image.  For art to be an act of self-expression, I had to align myself with a particular feeling one of those pictures held and choose to share that.  The color photo on the left appeals to my curiosity, my quizzical, rational desire to know what that is clearly and accurately.  The color photo on the right appeals to my senses most powerfully.  The reds are hellish, the shadows dark and impenetrable, and the overall sensation is nightmarish and foreboding.  

The picture I did choose to present is the one on top.  It is most revealing of my state of mind at the time and in reflection.  I see it as mysterious, strange, evocative, and eerie, but not in a directly menacing way.  Because it is in black and white, it shows what my initial curiosity had been, and the high contrast provides a dark creepiness.  It reminds me more of old horror movies than anything I might actually encounter.  Monochrome has that distancing effect on me, as if whatever I am seeing is already in the past or from an alternate world bereft of color.

When I look through the camera, I don't just ask "What do I see?".  I also ask "What can I see?".  I can adjust the focus, the amount of light, the color, the framing, all sorts of things that teach me other possible ways to see.  If it weren't so frustratingly difficult (as a novice) to take professional quality photos, I would feel tremendously powerful by this ability to capture and manipulate vision.  As it is, I simply become more and more self-aware.  I notice my choices in what I see, what I choose to show, and what I want to return to in another light to try for what I missed the first time.

Tonight my writing choice was expository.  I think the image I found inside that tree deserves more.  It is something I want to return to again, to discover the story I see lurking there, to delve into its mysteries, and thus to go into my own Twilight Zone.  Stay tuned.